I’ve had, what some would call, huge rejections in the last few weeks. One on top of the other. I found myself floundering. Questioning who I am as a person, friend, parent, potential employee? I’ve made huge changes in my life in the last year. I jumped off the cliff of predictable into the churning sea of change. I INVITED it in with bells and whistles; what the hell was I thinking!?! Change is inevitable but when you welcome it with open arms, instead of flashing lights of caution, you are asking for it.
If you have any kind of spiritual life you begin to realize some of the worst experiences bring about the most powerful results. When I look back on what I have chosen, or was forced (the self-will pried out of my clenched fingers) to put in God’s hands, I see a cozy burrow of protection. Self-will usually gets me in situations that I’ve learned painful, but invaluable lessons. Those situations grow less frequent with maturity but when they happen they can pack a wallop. Then I remembered… Protection, not rejection.
There were things that I wanted that came from insecurity, vanity, pride, out of loss. There are people that I wanted in my life for the same reasons. They were doomed to failure because they weren’t based in reality, and they were very painful. A dear friend recently reminded me that sometimes our higher power removes things from our lives to make room for the new, for the better, for the best! For MORE. I learned to settle for the very least, for what I could get, instead of all that is possible. And if I am honest, I expected the people in my life to settle for less too. I wasn’t able to fully give of myself, and God knows I tried. I have to think of all the situations where I was protected by them NOT working out and vice-versa.
So…Should I open myself up for more? Should I make room for the best? Should I give more authentically and honestly? The answer is a resounding YES! How else could I experience navy blue side-burns from do-it-yourself hair dye? How could I experience reconnecting with a childhood friend, healing with Bianca, daily walks and Portland, Oregon? How could I find a ME I didn’t know existed, or teach myself Word ? How would I have decided to start caring for my emotional health instead of using food? How would I have the courage to release that false protection? How could I reconnect with old, dear friends who have always been there, waiting in the wings for me to get it. How would I have discovered the world of blogging and connecting with the amazing community of bloggers it has produced?
Rejection hurts, it’s painful, but full of lessons. Sometimes you have to lose to gain.