Holy Moses what a Monday! Actually it started yesterday…and the day before, and the day before. It’s been building for a while now. It never ceases to amaze me that something so obvious (now) wasn’t seen by my naked eye. There is lots of detritus that I ignore, (evidently) before I can acknowledge that something big is happening. I have a high tolerance to “stuff”. It served me well during periods of great stress in my past but not so much now that I am trying to do things differently. I am not using food to punch down everything located between those compacted layers of conditioned responses. A lasagna of life, if you will. The more layers… the more tempting, but incredibly hard to get through without consequences.
I find myself at a loss on how to respond differently. I have to learn new ways of presenting the salad that has become my emotions. Tossed here and there with different dressings. I am finding it a lot easier to write about food symbolically than expecting it to cure what ails me. I am learning about eating to live rather than living to eat. This concept is as alien to me as the surface of Mars. Complete virgin territory. I guess I will proceed slowly and cautiously. Allow my salad to catch up to my lasagna. I suppose it could be worse…remember the Salad Shooter?
I annoyed a girlfriend by my post from the other day when I said “living alone is for wimps”. It was a tongue in cheek response to her telling me it will be good for me to live alone. It was meant to imply that living alone is easier, you get to have everything your own way. That doesn’t happen often in life. This isn’t a contest, I was just making a point. It is hard to have opinions without offending at some point. I respect everyone’s right to live as they need to. I just wanted to point out that life isn’t always as it seems. In fact it rarely is for me. And don’t forget, this blog is about…well, me.
My case in point is that my girlfriend has a newly widowed friend that was married happily for a long time. They were devoted to each other and captured the rhythm of sharing a life together beautifully. Now that her husband is gone, she will be facing a very different life. She is dismayed to hear friends talk about all the new things she will get to experience, that her husband used to do for her. It makes her feel devalued and I see her point.
That is the beauty of a partnership, you can negotiate trade offs,and it is wonderful to hand over tasks that you don’t like to someone who does. It is a skill, not a shortcoming. Even though I am no longer married, my former husband and I LEARNED how to be a team. Lots of trial and error, successes and failures. They shaped us in a good way, even if we wanted to pull our hair out ( or each other’s) at times. It takes lots of practice, living alone is not for everyone, just like being married isn’t. I am learning that success isn’t measured by what I own, but by what I am willing to let go of.
I just finished “Bound With An Iron Chain” by Anthony Vaver. This will change the way you look at ancestry, not to mention Daughter’s of the Revolution. I’ll dish about it in my next post along with “The Story of Charlotte’s Web” , a delicious book so far about E.B.White. I also hope to finish up “The Lifeboat” too. Maybe if I confine myself to my own fenced yard for a while I might get more reading done?