Ode to Hair Dye And Hairdressers

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I have two wonderful  friends that are hairdressers. We’ll call them Bill and Robin.They have known me since before  the silver started showing up in my naturally black hair. I inherited my hair color from my father who had silver side burns by the time he was 25. When I started down that path I really liked the way it looked, and vowed never to change it. Who wants to be a slave to keeping roots colored and hidden?

We take hairdressers for granted; they listen to our crap, talk us out of really bad hair ideas, squeeze us in for funerals and make us feel great about our lousy hair. There is nothing better than a great cut. Oh yeah, and color. I keep telling them they need to design a set of hairstyle books of models with short necks. Most of us don’t have 2-3 foot necks and the styles look different on average people. Maybe that is why Robin wears an apron that says “It will grow back”.  A sense of humor is essential in this business.

Like any normal woman I wanted to look great. I went between Bill and Robin for years until I started cutting my own hair to save money (plus several moves out of state). Finding a new hairdresser is traumatic, but I’m lucky because, my thick hair hides scissor wounds easily. The problem started when I joined the unemployed club. You are bombarded with gems like “How to compete in today’s overcrowded, rare-as-hens-teeth-good-paying-jobs-with-benefits, job market”. “How to fatten up your resume to make it look better” or “How to add years here or shave them off there”. It  has brought up all sorts of issues for me. Professional hair cuts by Bill and Robin are worth every penny, but out of my reach, any haircut is. I’ve received my fair share of free ones, I’m not complaining. This is more about moronic rules of society than anything.

We live in a  “have to be smarter, have everything, look younger (no matter your age) but if you are older… you are screwed”, kind of society. Questions like “If you LOOK ten years older than you are (I don’t, thank goodness), does that mean you ARE older?  “What if you LOOK young but are older, does that mean you ARE younger”?  Gaaaaack! What is age? Besides a set of mathematical digits that society and Human Resources use to control what we are entitled to and what we will end up doing for a living. I am frankly getting fed up! SO… I decided to dye my hair.

I asked Robin and Bill what over the counter product I should buy and they shrugged. It trashes your hair… good luck with that…you’ll be making an appointment soon for me to save your ass, kind of shrug. Why would they know what kind of product to buy? They use only “PROFESSIONAL” products and we aren’t talking TRESSeme here folks, which made my scalp itch, by the way. It’s like the difference between over the counter pain meds (Ibuprophen) and an Rx (Morphine).

At Wally World I was surprised to see no less than six shades of black! Natural black, blue black, violet black, red black, rat black, bright black. I chose natural black so I could look natural. I asked (begged) my room mate to dye it for me and she promptly left town for a week. Two perfectly good t-shirts later (don’t EVER think you are one of those people who can use hair dye without dripping) I realize that a garbage bag (yes-cut a hole out first) with no shirt is the better way of putting on hair dye.  The second time I dyed it (and yes I waited 5 weeks-I DO read the directions) I used bright black because it is more like my real color. My hair came out a cross between an Elvis wig, and Darth Vader mask. Elvis for the color and Darth Vader for that nice, hard, helmet look.

Nothing MORE eye make-up can’t fix, right? And maybe MORE lipstick? Dark Orchid or Cool Shine? Hmmmm.  A whole other dilemma…makeup. I’m TIRED! And you know what? It was an experiment, and I really look the same either way! I’m attractive, smart and funny damn it and ANY employer would be lucky to have me, no matter how young/old I look!  I don’t want to work for anyone that judges otherwise.

Maybe after I wash it tomorrow, it will look more like Adam Lambert’s? I have never loved Bill and Robin more!

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2 responses »

  1. My hair has always been a thorn in my side. Always wanted Cher’s hair, Instead I have Einstien’s hair – but not his brains. I wish we could all construct our own version of a headdress and prance around with whatever feathers, ribbons, shiny objects and buttons we chose to adorn our skull caps!

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