Motherless Woman

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I didn’t like the way I was mothered. My mom disagreed with my assessment. Come to think of it, isn’t that the definition of denial? She passed away in October after years of estrangement. I’ve had years of therapy to patch the holes she made in my heart. Sadly, I know I put some in hers. I learned more than I wanted from the experience, screamed uncle more than once, but it shaped me into a much better mom. The price of admission.

On a scale of crummy she would rate somewhere on the left side of middle. Bad enough to leave scars. Good at some things, horrible at others. I never felt she connected to me. In order to move past my momma-pain I had to look at my whole family. It is like putting together a puzzle with lots of missing pieces. You have to accept it will never be complete.

She grew up amidst alcoholism, sexual abuse, poverty and misogyny. Not a good foundation for marriage let alone parenthood. My surviving dad, sister and brother have lead chaotic, rage-filled lives. Uh, they would disagree with that too. I was the lucky one chosen (or did I choose?) to escape. I got out.

I am more grateful than you can imagine. I spent years grieving the loss of my family and wondered why I had a different outcome than my siblings. I realize now they didn’t choose Fairy Godmothers like I did. I CRAVED mothering. Something that has taken me decades to admit, because there is nothing I find more distasteful than being needy. You know…to have NEEDS. I was ripe for divine intervention and I was smart enough, (or needy enough depending on your definition), to open my heart to it.

When God gave me the opportunity to choose a new family he supplied the cream of the crop. I was gifted with six of the most amazing women that ever walked the earth. Are they crisp, sharp, examples of perfection? Nope. God DOES have a sense of humor, and they all became close friends.

Alice, Toni, Sandy, Bev, Alma, and Marian are smart, noisy, quiet, feisty, determined, sassy, outgoing, introverted, funny AMAZON women who modeled for me what it is to be a wife, mom and friend. In the beginning I only saw their magic. I was dazzled and hungry for it. With time and experience I began to observe from them what it truly means to be a success, accepting that life isn’t fair, that all we really have is love.

They are experts in the field of love. Unconditional, messy, fragile, enduring, unbreakable bonds of love. P.H.D.’s at love!

I have decided to profile their stories here in the next two blogs. Stories that are funny (my wedding dress saga is a classic still told today) and inspiring. When ever I leave their company my heart is full of joy. I’ll share (some of them read my blogs so I’ll respect their more personal details…I’m NOT stupid FGM’s!) what I learned from them and how I was able to forgive my mom for not being like them.

They chose to see me through, my mom chose to quit. I can’t fathom giving up on my kids. I want to be a Fairy Godmother! What that means? Next.

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