I took my first test today in my computer class. I felt nervous all afternoon preparing for it, not knowing what to expect. Next week I won’t wait so close to the deadline. As you may have noticed I am unable to keep up with blogging every day. It’s time to make changes (again) because I am getting busier with the work involved in preparing for and finding a job. I feel like a turtle that moves her neck out of it’s shell a little more each day as her confidence grows in the environment around her. Too many changes all at once can do that to a turtle…er, person.
My new plan is to blog a few times a week. It’s quality not quantity right? This blog was never designed to be every day but I found it essential during the move and adjusting to a new state and town. I’ll continue to read and share my book reviews but that has slowed down too. I’ll have that to look forward to when I find a job and get a routine back. Right now Office 2010 is my best friend. I also will begin counting down the days until my son’s visit (no pressure Gabe) and preparing for my visit to Colorado.
“The Birth Order Book” is still stirring up trouble. I was walking and processing the realities of families of origin like I was born into. They are messy and intense. There were good times but they were exhausting too. I liken it to life in the mob ( I can say that because I am Italian), you have to leave or you’ll end up dead. Symbolically speaking. The nature of my birth order has shaped me into a persisitent person, maybe not in the way others measure persistence (it’s relative, lets face it) and I don’t give up easily in relationships or going the distance for someone. I am making the transition of putting that energy into me, but it’s not easy. I was taught well not to and practiced it diligently. But ultimately all we have is ourselves.
My life has not lacked for friends, I’ve been enriched beyond belief with wonderful people who made the commitment to be a part of my life. What I have become less obdurate in is thinking I know what is best for someone other than myself (this includes my children) or making assumptions about situations and people. Assumptions go hand in hand with grandiosity for me. I am a very perceptive person but am wrong more than I am right when I make these. It annoys me when friends make assumptions about me that are far from accurate but as they say…Karma. If you aren’t aware of the “ass” word’s negative powers, it’s deja vu all over again (thanks Yogi) and you are doomed to repeat it.