Bad, bad, bad day yesterday. Too many questions, too many expectations of me, too many decisions to make. You get the picture. A baaaadddd day. I feel hung over today but feeling better about life, for the moment anyway. Took a lovely walk in the cool of the morning with Bianca. Her idea of a perfect day is to smell every place where any other animal has been and then lift her leg and dribble on it. That’s it. She’s had a lovely time and her day is now great.
I on the other hand went to a meeting to get reminders from lots of wise ones in the trenches. I didn’t lift my leg on anyone but I did get a hug and sometimes that is what’s required. Knowing you’re not alone. A room full of strangers that know exactly what I’m going through, how miraculous is that?
As I was on my walk I mentally got that I’m carrying around too much extra baggage and it’s time to release it. Every dessert, every candy bar, every ounce of chocolate and every time I eat too much it’s about packing on, and around me, every problem or worry I have about me, someone or something. It’s gotten too heavy and is interfering with me moving forward. It medicates my fear in unhealthy ways and I end up feeling like a victim. Which I’m not, that is an attitude. I don’t like being here but it’s up to me to change it. It’s part of my spiritual transformation.
Back to the basics, like… take a walk every day. Eliminate sugar. It will have to be “coffee” and book club for now. Go to at least one meeting a week and make one call a day from the meeting list. Start my computer class, set some deadlines. I think peeing on something sounds easier.